15. The letter
Available in A1 (h594 x w841 mm) & A2 (h420 x w594 mm) sizing.
Printed on Ilford Galerie Smooth Pearl.
White border will appear on finished print.
I pick up the phone,
'Dad, is that you?'
He responds with incoherent drug fuelled banter,
Something that sounds so unfortunately familiar,
But it's a little different tonight, a little bizarre,
Something beyond spoken communication, It's an articulation only us depressants know,
It strangely comes forth when there is an abundance of love in the room,
Pause '5 seconds'
'I know you're trying to hide something dad, and I respect that but...'
I hear tears drop on the other side of the phone,
'Shayne I can't live anymore, I want you to know... I love you'
My heart subsides to the place where my childhood rests,
I want to break, I want to say... stop!
I hold back my inner fears, because backbone is needed here,
'Dad I need to see you, I'll be there soon'...
A calculated mind sets my authoritarian mechanisms in motion,
I run to the car, with visions of the key turning, playing through my mind,
I can picture the freeway and a total disregard for the laws that govern it, And I'm driving,
Visions of adolescent memories affray with the lights of the night,
Sparks of hope in the richness of darkness,
I can’t tell how fast I'm going,
If my pedal is on the floor, I'm getting to him sooner,
With a shrieking screech of the tyres, I am at the journey's end and the next course is serving,
I frantically knock on the door to justify my presence,
I found it immediately ominous that I didn't hear his dogs, communicating foul play as they knew him more than most,
He opened the door with no acknowledgement and proceeded to meander aimlessly down the hallway,
He slumped on the couch and gazed at the silent television,
On the kitchen bench, there lay a perfectly typed 2-page message with a knife alongside it,
The message spoke of how much he loved his family and how much he believes in each of us,
It then was followed by instructions as to where his body was to be found, and that the dogs were secure with nourishments in the garage,
I did not shed a tear as I read his final words,
My existence has trained me not to weep when it hurts.